CALM
A strange state for me
Driven through life as I have been
Days filled with doing things
To keep the multi faceted
Anxiety beast at bay
It’s not for lack of need
To do lists hang from every
Thought scurrying around
Behind my eyebrows
Nothing just comes with itself
But just now sitting here writing this
Feet in the sun cats lying about
In seeming disinterest with anything
Was this the goal and is there any value in it
Questions I always ask
The point all along without knowing it just
To sit without being bored
Stare at things without intent
Not even stare observe is more like it
If this lasts I’ll have to add
Some words to my vocabulary
Start using the urgent
Have tos to want tos
With should haves but didn’t
Or maybe even don’t have to dos at all
Wait shouldn’t something be happening
Have I forgotten a birthday or
An anniversary level thought
Appears and fades
Something is missing surely
It’s going to flash into existence
Again any second and drag me
Back into the morass of
Entanglements routines
Of doing and followups
A picket fence of tasks
Streaming by the car window
But it has not come
And I drift off again
Did I give up is that it
No too honest for that
I developed some good habits
To compensate after all
Well it’s all good for now
Strange though
