RELUCTANCE
The silent invisible hand
Pushing against my best intentions
What I feel to be right
Even my educated guess or
Carved in granite certitude
All of that on one side
And a feather on the other
And it wins time after time
I retreat into a gloom
Something about me
In particular a short coming
The way I have always been
I have to change that but when
Some other time and click
As the door of uncertainty
Closes on another whatever it is
When fear of criticism in my case
Something else in yours
Pulls me back into the past
Those shouting at the barricades
Have they just had enough
They seem to not even need a cause
They look misguided wrong even
But something drives them there
Out in the open even if still
Behind the wall of once useful goods
Burning tires wrecked park benches
Broken bikes cars and trash
They wave their signs and false flags at me
Surely they know I won’t resist
Or could it be a sense of freedom I can’t feel
To be one in many stepping forward
From the crowd of feathers and ideals
The only purpose of the shouting and stares
Not afraid of the chaos
I avoid at personal cost
I shiver at the prospect of difference
Cry myself to sleep
